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WIP: Atmospheric Memory Music by ~Cana-chan:iconCana-chan:



the music in my head
                      
               playing on loops of memory

atmosphere music

merging past and present

               merging sorrow, joy

blurring all the lines

                till i'm nothing

a puddle on the floor

               (on the main street where I grew up
                that I stepped in with rubber boots
                and rosy cheeks
                curls flying)

a cobweb under the desk

                (my dead kitten chewing wires there
                 like bubblegum
                 guiltless blue eyes hiding
                 in the laundry basket)

lines of memory cross
       
                 reproduce

sprout strange hybrids

                 (you were there
                  you weren't there
                  there was snow)
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconcana-chan:

Author's Comments

This isn't a completed version...I am currently toying with it, I want to write more because it doesn't feel finished to me.
It's also not supposed to be as sad as I think it sounds...it's supposed to be nostalgic, but not sad.

Anyway, feedback would be really awesome since I am still working on it!

Comments


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:iconueno:
hmm i think it would flow a bit better if reproduce part is similar to the ones before and after it.. a phrase with parentheses..

its really nice, it does have that nostalgic feeling. a tinge of sadness but i think it's just right..

also I think playing with the structure of the poem would also do wonders to the feeling of the poem. :)

It's a great work in progress!! id love to read the completed version ^^
:iconcana-chan:
How do you mean? Can you show me what you had in mind?
THank you for the feedback! I want to keep working on it...I am going to start doing a bit more, hopefully, now that I am single and all that stupid stuff...-.-

--
"There is a thin line between cute and psychotic"- Leigh Young
"Self preservation, it seems, may smell of formaldehyde."-John Barth
:iconueno:
>___> Umm.. i'll try ... if you dont mind waiting for a year ( pretty much almost like that xDD )...

aww :c ( how are you doing by the way? are you ok?? DX )
:iconcana-chan:
Hey! Sorry for the super delayed response, I am much better than I was :) Things have been looking up for me and working out in amazing ways. My angel's been working overtime, for sure.

--
"There is a thin line between cute and psychotic"- Leigh Young
"Self preservation, it seems, may smell of formaldehyde."-John Barth
:iconueno:
it's totally fine! I've been preoccupied as well anyway. ^^ And great!! Wow!! I'm very happy for you! Mind sharing? :D
:icondigitalmalice:
aren\'t you describing me?! gosh..
beautiful! Yes, kinda sad, but.. beautiful!!!
I really see myself within those words

--
and sleep.. sleep is the brother of death..
:iconcana-chan:
omg, I am so sorry for such a delayed response. When I sent that it was about two weeks before I started seeing a new guy, he's amazing to me. I had a few great things happen rapidly around that time, including doing much better in school than I thought. I even got a new camera this summer, so I willl have pictures!! Not of him, but other stuff, lol.
How are you doing?

--
"There is a thin line between cute and psychotic"- Leigh Young
"Self preservation, it seems, may smell of formaldehyde."-John Barth
:iconueno:
nono!! its totally fine!! and wow!! im so glad you found someone eh?! ^_^ whats his name?? and heheeh. thats a great thing to know x3 I'm glad you're doing so well! how many years / months left do you have for school anyway? O.O

im doing fine.. quite.. preoccupied with some things. xD i think i sort of lost my drive to draw. =(
:iconcana-chan:
I am glad! *la hug* I have missed you!! I need to come back on here more often, I always get more inspired!

--
"There is a thin line between cute and psychotic"- Leigh Young
"Self preservation, it seems, may smell of formaldehyde."-John Barth

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December 13, 2007
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